Archive for February, 2007


Fat Cats

February 16, 2007

Who watched Top Billing last night…?

Our ministers and members of parliament give a new meaning to the term Fat Cats.


Nine 9 Nein 9_ N1ne N1n3

February 14, 2007

9 is the max number of passengers one can reserve an online flight for in South Africa?

Why 9?

Is it the logistics?
Is it the fact that it creates a programming nightmare?

Why 9?

9 is the max single digit number, why not 8?
Who has 7 Kids these days?
Taxi’s can move more than 9 so that is not the limiting factor.
A Netball team has 7 plus on reserve and coach, perhaps that is the thinking.

Any Thoughts….

1 Time








No Shit….

February 8, 2007

Yesterday, I have a support call from a mate…..I could name him as there is no chance in hell he will ever find this blog, you will see why in just a mo.
But to save face I’ll refrain….From here on in he is referred to as The Plumber.

Message left on my Cell:
The Plumber: Brettie, please give me a call, this fu%*ing computer,office and house are driving me mad.
I ended my call to retrieve the message and of course rang back immediately, after all this sounded bad…I look after his office equipment, holly crap what could have possibly gone wrong. Must be hardware, or virus, they are prevalent at the moment.
Brett : Hi Plumber.
The Plumber: Thank goodness you phoned, you have saved people in this house from certain death. Brettie someone has taken my fu%*ing calculator and now I can’t do quotes and costing. If I find the fu%*ing person there is going to be shit.
Please help.
Brett: Ja, what do you need.
The Plumber: How do I get to the fu%*ing calculator on my PC (WinXP)
Brett: dohhhhhhhhh!
Brett: Start / All programs / Accessories / Calculator
The Plumber: Shit you are a ledged thanks.


Introducing the one and Only LordLickem

February 6, 2007

Well boys i’m back in the land of the slightly sane…….And man am i paying for it.
Yup my neck injury was not as minor as i thought.
What i have managed to do is tear a hole in the “shock absorbers” between the vertabrae of the neck{ the L6 and L7 for those of you familiar with the whole neck thing} which has trapped a fecken nerve.So my left arm and hand is numb and fuckin sore.Thank gooodness i tug with my right hand.Apparently i was very lucky not to break my neck.The ‘diving fuckin clown’ lives another day.
So now I’m getting acupuncture and kiro……………so ********** wedding is still costing me cash.Maybe it’s the Lord’s way of punishing me for being such a bad boy……….Don’t worry boys i didn’t see the light i just saw stars.
Well boys all i can say is that if you get injured on holiday drink plenty of beer and wash down some nurofen,and then smoke a zuck.
An idiots guide on how to numb the pain.
Chom’s it was good seeing ya all again and partying hard.
Ya all have a happy day now and send my best to ya dollies.
Me “the diving clown” who does the amazing somer………….a feat not to be tried at home


Well Done SAPS!

February 1, 2007

Well done SAPS
Well done Parkview Precinct
Well done to those police officers, Inspector and the two youngsters.

Parkhurst was crazy the night before last and the freak out is that this was the result of 1 attempted hi-jacking.

2 Bravo Males, attempted to hi-jack and steal a car form a lady in Parktown North, Johannesburg.
Her armed guard intervened and was shot 3 times by these 2 criminals.
At that very point the SAPS mentioned above drove into the road and was witness to this.
They gave chase and encountered the suspects in 5th Ave and 20th street Parkhurst.
Where they met had on.
The suspects started firing on the SAP and the SAP returned fire.

After a heated exchange, the suspects reversed at a hell of a pace and crashed into a parked BMW in the road, pushing it back 15 plus M. Where the one now wounded suspect got out and ran away whilst the other kept on firing at the SAP.

At this point the inspector had driven his car within 5 M’s of their car and after the necessary warnings and so forth proceeded to switch off the suspect.

A condition known in military circles as Condition Black.

The running suspect jumped through a house on the river and was not located as at about 21h00..he was shot once or twice so I am sure he has turned up somewhere…or is lying very low at this stage.

In the process, three patrol cars were out of action for about 7 hours, am army of forensic personal were there working long hours getting everything sorted out.

Well done to the SAP for a job well done.
To you the suspects.

Suspect 1. Well you are on the run , the SAP have the registered owner of the bakkie you were in, it was not reported stolen, so through very little work, they will be paying you a visit very very soon. Please try and fight back like your mate did.
Suspect 2. What happened boet, not so tough now are you lying dead on the streets of the Hurst. What goes around comes around; you got exactly what you deserve.